FINN THE HUMAN
Teeth: A few missing due to his imbecilic propensity to chew on rocks, tree trunks, and dead lizards.
Eyes: From a distance, dungeon black. Close-up, frozen-cow-udder blue. When he’s hypnotized, his left eye turns green, so don’t hypnotize him if crazy eyes freak you out.
Hair: Absurdly long and absurdly blonde. When he removes his hat with a flourish, his gender becomes an impenetrable mystery.
ATTENTION, GIANTS & FLESH-EATERS!
If you find Finn the Human, do not eat him! Remember, he might hold The Secret to Everything. Without him, you might end up a carcass that looks like Burnt Toast, the type you have to scrape with a knife. (Then again, Finn might know nothing–zero, zip, nada– and you’re out a nice meal. Tough bananas, O Giants.)




